Caffeine

So, it used to be that I could drink caffeine at any time of day and avoid any real effect whatsoever. Apparently that is no longer the case, as I had a 12 ounce white mocha a bit more than an hour ago and its keeping me awake. Being awake though, means that I can stay up and read a friend's blog that I imagine is going to be powerful and also write my own.

I've begun today to get a feeling in the pit of my stomach, I think of it almost as a pre-stress. I learned years ago not to let myself get overly worked up about what is coming up in the future. (My sophomore year of high school I made myself sick with stress, because of that I've learned not to worry too much.) And yet, periodically I get the little tingling inside that means that I know I've got a lot of ducks coming up and they aren't quite in a row yet.

I think I've gotten all the pieces of my seminary apps taken care of, I have a little more stuff to do for my ordination requirements. 

I think I've managed to work out my summer housing so that I won't go broke. 

I think I've my last event as VP of Activities taken care of.

I know that I'm not ready to say goodbye to all the amazing people here at school.

I know that I'm terrified and overjoyed at the thought of a new chapter in my life.

I wonder if I'll have the motivation and energy to write a Baccalaureate speech.

I believe that everything will work out.

And yet, I worry about how everything will turn out. There's something about stepping off into the unknown, particularly on this scale, that makes it hard for me to just what happens happen. I feel like I'm floating down a river that is perpetually curving, always hiding what is in front of me. I trust that all that is around the bend is more gentle curves and smooth water. I figure that there are probably some spots of white water, but I can't seem to shake the fear that there might be something more. Something else, something unexpected.