What is this?

On the way home from Mexico all I could think about was how amazing it would be to finally be back in my apartment with all of my gadgets and gizmos. I couldn't wait to return to 'civilization.' Now that I'm here though, I find myself at a loss. 

Having gone a week without television I tried watching something or other and found my thoughts wandering. After checking my e-mail for a minute, my computer bored me. (I realize that I'm blogging on it, but that's different.)

I'm finding myself missing Mexico, and the lack of distractions. Everything was simpler down there, I didn't have to to worry about Seminary App follow-ups. I didn't have papers to write, or e-mails to check. My biggest concern was getting the house done and deciding if dinner was edible or not. (Which it always was.)

I find myself not wanting to go back to the hustle and bustle of everything that I have to do in the next month before graduation. I'm actually nervous about going back to school tomorrow. (Which might be at least partially connected to my relative lack of hair) 

It feels like every year when I get back from this trip I question our way of life. Last year it was our obsession with the latest and greatest. (Which my friend's were quick to to point out that I am guilty of it as much if not more than the next person.) This year it feels different though, it's not about the material pieces of my life, but the very core of it; what makes me tick. It's not a lack of sabbath, (which I take fairly regularly), but the very speed at which I live my life.

On another note, now that I've shed a few tears in the last few weeks it seems the floodgates have opened. During the sharing time at the end of the work in Mexico people were sharing about what the experience meant to them and I found tears flowing freely.

One youth talked about how when her parents divorced she decided to divorce religion. She came on the trip just because her friends had and thought it might be fun to hang out, but during the sharing she told us that this week had renewed her faith in God.

And I shed tears

A dad talked about how much this week had meant to him, to share it with his daughter.

And I shed tears

Another youth brought up the quote by Mother Teresa about how 'what we do is but a drop in the ocean, but without it the ocean would be one drop less.'

And with both joy and pain, I wept silently in the back of the group

I don't get it, why now? Why are my walls tumbling down around me? There was a time when I couldn't cry at anything, no matter how painful. And now, now I get emotional about the little things. I don't get it...