Tears...

I was reading the blog of a friend, who was describing a situation on campus a while ago that arose around a party. While I was reading it I started to get the achy feeling in my chest, my eyes began to moisten. Before I knew what was happening I was reading the blog through tears falling down my cheeks. 

I've been trying to unpack why that happened, it is not as if students getting drunk is a new idea to me. I think a big part of it is that I'm beginning to allow myself to admit to the feelings I have, and embrace them instead of simply burying them. 

Also, I'm beginning to lower my emotional defenses. I don't know why, but for some reason the walls that I've built up are coming down around me. Where I used to respond with no feeling, or inappropriate feeling I feel real ache. When I think about the way the students are behaving, it occurs to me that that's who I was not all that long ago. And I hear the stories of what they're going through and wish that there was another way for them. That they might not have to experience some of the same pain I did.

That maybe explains a little bit of why that post affected me, it doesn't really explain why I'm getting more emotional lately. I don't know. I don't know where it's going and how I'll get there. I suppose I curious to find out though.