Looking ahead

A friend who is leaving soon asked me if I'd given any real thought to moving down to California. My first instinct was to say, "Of course I have, why wouldn't I have given it any thought?"

I began to think back though, and I haven't really given it any thought. I haven't even made an effort to get at the e-mails I need to print off and send back in to get my financial aid. Aside from a quick thought here about how to get stuff down to Berkley and how to get myself down there, I haven't spent any time at all processing the fact that in 2 and a half months my life will change dramatically. I will leave behind friends that I've made over the last four years, I will leave behind a state I have lived in for more than half my life. 

The past few days have been spent either sleeping, eating, zoning out watching TV and movies or drinking. They've mostly blurred together and I can't really distinguish between them. Looking back, I think I may have been subconsciously escaping the realities of my current and upcoming life situation. I feel that very shortly my temporary shelter I've built is going to come crashing down and the full extent of the changes in my life will shake the core of my being. 

I confided to another friend today that I'm terrified at the prospect of moving to California. I'm going to have to build up a base of friends from the ground up, something I haven't done since the seventh grade. I'm going to be in an entirely new living arrangement, with a new home and a new roommate for the first time ever. I'm going to be enrolled in classes that will challenge me and force me to think, something that hasn't been particularly consistent over the last four years. 

As much as I welcome a shift in my setting and going to a different ideological climate, this transition is not going to be easy. With my friends and God to lean on, I think that everything will go as smoothly as can be expected. 

It just doesn't make it any easier.